


closer!

by transatem



Category: Inazuma Eleven
Genre: Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 15:52:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16746964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transatem/pseuds/transatem
Summary: “Well. Um,” He can hear Endou’s fingers drumming against the floor, “Do you like me?”





	closer!

**Author's Note:**

> this fic takes place while they're in highschool; it's not super important to the fic, but it's mentioned a couple of times

“Hey, um,” Kidou can hear the sounds of Endou restlessly shifting around in his sleeping bag to face him, “Kidou.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?” Endou’s voice is warm, and soft--muffled just slightly, and Kidou can picture him with his soft cheek pressed against the floor, and Kidou can imagine the feel of his cheek against his mouth, and he has to shut himself down before he gets into dangerous territory.

“Go ahead.”

Endou shifts around again, props his head up on his hand, lays back down. “Uh, well, um...I don’t know how I can...”

He can see Endou jiggling his leg. “...You’re making me nervous. What is it?”

“Well. Um,” He can hear Endou’s fingers drumming against the floor, “Do you like me?”

It takes Kidou a moment to process what he’s just been asked, and after he does, his mouth goes so dry it takes him even longer to answer. “...of course. You’re--my best friend, of course.”

“No, I know that! You’re my best friend too! But, that’s not what I meant. Uh, I guess I phrased it kind of weird, we’re not kids...uhhh...I’m really...not very...good at this…”

Kidou’s voice comes out much more small and choked than he’d like it to. Never did get a handle on that one. “What did you mean?”

“Like! Well! I like _you,_ ” Kidou goes stock still. “You’re my best friend, but, I...you know, I have lots of people I like. But I don’t think about any of them nearly as much as I think about you. I don’t feel the same way about them as I feel about you. I think about you, and I think...I’ll never meet anyone better than this! I love him so much I can barely stand it! That kind of feeling.”

Kidou’s heart stops, but Endou’s not done, and his voice is a little softer, a little shyer, “It’s a good one, but it’s weird, because, I feel it so much it hurts, and it feels like it just gets bigger and bigger every day...I mean, you just make me so happy...and I, you know, I have to wonder if I make you that happy too. I want to make you happy.”

“Y…” Kidou’s mind is refusing to catch up with the rest of the world, so he just has to go for the first words he finds. “You do.”

Endou’s voice is even warmer, tinted with affection. “Good.” There’s a moment of silence long enough for Kidou to fully register that affection in his voice, the meanings of words like ‘love him so much,’ and blood rushes to his cheeks and roars in his ears so hard he can barely feel his face. Endou’s still not done. “I’m really glad I met you.”

Kidou makes a very strong attempt to not hyperventilate. “That’s. I. Thank you,”

“And, uh, it seems like when I’m friends with someone as great and as smart as you, I couldn’t even want anything else,” He’s talking into his sleeping bag a bit, “but I wish we were even closer.”

“...Closer?”

“Yeah. ...Are you embarrassed?”

It’s apparently obvious enough for even Endou to tell, which means it’s time for Kidou to stop talking and maybe breathing.

“I’m kind of embarrassed, but I want to say this to you, because it’s something I want you to know. I want you to know how much I care about you! I want you to know how great you are! But...” Endou throws his hands up in the air. “This is so frustrating! I can barely say what I want to say!”

Endou shoots up and slams the palms of his hands on the ground so hard Kidou jumps. “Kidou! Um! How do you feel about me! Be honest! You can even talk about how stupid I am if you want to!”

Kidou opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. He lies there, trying to find what he wants to say, sifting through all his fears and all of his hangups, all of the ways he can’t lie--and with a terrifying, horrifically freeing feeling, he gives up. “...you’re the most important thing in the world to me. How could you not realize?”

His voice is shaky, hoarse, so heavy with feeling every word weighs against his tongue. That’s always the problem. Once you start, it’s so hard to stop. At some point--at some point, he guesses, he has to stop holding it back. He knows he should let it go. He’s not stupid. He--he’s getting better at it, really. If he can do this, maybe he can do anything. “I never want to let you go. You’ve got no idea how it feels. I--you’ve got no idea what it’s like to stand near you. It’s like being next to the sun. I can’t stand it. I lay down at night and you’re burned into the back of my eyelids. You have no idea.”

Kidou realizes, with a jolt of mortification, that he’s close to tears. It’s like he’s not even the one making himself talk anymore. “Do you know what it’s like to be so close to you and know I can’t have you?”

Endou’s voice is breathless, overladen with wonder. “You can have me.”

And now Kidou’s having to struggle around the breath knocked out of his lungs, “People can do plenty of things they shouldn’t. I--I’d hurt you. I’m not good enough for you. It’s normal for highschool relationships to not last. I don’t ever want to lose you. I don’t ever want to stop being in love with you.”

“You’re in love with me?”

If he looks close enough, he almost thinks he sees Endou’s eyes sparkling through the darkness. He blinks tears out of his eyes, and with a feeling like dropping something very heavy you’ve been carrying for a very long time, with a feeling very much like stepping in front of a speeding car, he says “Yes.”

“Oh.” Endou sounds so awed, so full of love, that Kidou wishes he hadn’t heard him at all.

Endou’s hand finds his beneath the blankets. His hand is warm, and he can feel how it’s calloused as he interlaces their fingers. Kidou melts into the futon beneath him, and helplessly wonders if Endou knows how hard it is to tell him no.

“Hey, Kidou?”

“...”

“Do you trust me?”

“...You know I do.”

“Well, I trust you.” Endou squeezes his hand. “You’ve never hurt me before...and even if you did, it’s not a big deal--I could just tell you. I could go on for ages about how great you are, so don’t worry about that. You’ll never lose me. Ever! Look--if you want something really bad, you have to work hard for it, right? If what we wanted was to always be together, then if we always worked hard and cared about each other, and we kept being a team--we could do that. Right?”

Kidou stares up at the ceiling. “...I...This is completely uncharted territory for both of us. What if that’s not how it works?”

“Then we can figure it out! This isn’t the first time we’ve done something impossible together.”

That’s true. Endou is impossible. The fact he’s here right now is impossible. This entire conversation is impossible. For one wild second, Kidou wonders if he’s dreaming.

“And! Uh!” Endou’s suddenly loud enough to make him start, “I’d really like it if you were my boyfriend! But! You don’t have to be if you don’t want to! I’m just saying!”

Kidou’s smiling before he can help it. The absurdity of it all is getting to him. The years of pining and sunbathing, the feeling of holding a boy he loves’ hand, the hopeless sinking in his stomach when he hears his name, laying down and confessing his love to Endou Mamoru, dreaming about holding light in his hands--it’s all absurd. Surreal. He can’t have this. This isn’t something he was supposed to have. He does. He does have it. 

Whether he signed up for it or not, the sun’s shined down on him--no matter how frightening it is, he thinks: he’s gotten something good. He’s gotten something he never deserved. Would he forgive anyone else if they refused Endou in this situation? No, he’d probably slap them. Whether he likes it or not, he won’t be able to keep away for long. He thinks, before he can help it: he’ll have to work hard to deserve it.

He feels the soft press of lips against his cheek. “You can do this.”

“...Do you really trust me that much?”

“Of course I do.”

Endou’s close enough for Kidou to be able to see him, and Kidou feels himself give up again. It feels better this time. More like--throwing yourself in bed after a long day. Signing the Raimon transfer papers. Falling in love. Something like that.

“Endou?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s do something impossible.”

* * *

Haruna slams her bag down on the lunch table with extremely dramatic flair, and flops herself down on the bench in similar fashion.

“Boys. You’ll never believe it.”

Kazemaru takes his fork out of his mouth. “That girl stopped stealing all the chalk from the classrooms?”

“Better. I haven’t had a chance to get close enough to talk to my brother all day, but I have a _sneaking suspicion_ that one of them finally manned up!”

A chorus of “what?”s and “no way”s sweep across the table.

“I’m serious! Endou stayed over at his house last night, and I spotted them earlier, and they looked _very_ happy! It was a little gross.”

Kazemaru goes back to sifting his food apart. “Those guys haven’t said a word to each other about it in three years. Why would they do it now? Gouenji, remember the ‘getting our first kisses over with’ fiasco? That was just embarrassing to watch.”

Gouenji grimaces.

Haruna claps her hands together. “Who knows? But I swear they did! Endou was all over him even more than usual!”

“That’s difficult.”

“I’m serious! Yuuto was smiling, maybe even laughing! And you know what?”

“What?”

“I think he was actually _relaxed!_ ”


End file.
